After getting engaged, my future in-laws had us over for dinner. After having a wonderful dinner and a few glasses of wine, my future mother-in-law shouted, “Oh! I almost forgot!” before running out of the room. She returned with a large bag, which she proudly handed to me. “Since I never had a daughter, it’s all yours!” Then, while everyone watched, I pulled out a huge, long, tattered, old veil.
She then told me it was her grandmother’s, and that three generations have worn it, and she would be honored to have me carry on the tradition.
The fact that this thing was hideous and not even remotely my taste wasn’t even the worst part. It was the smell. This veil had clearly been worn to many weddings but never washed. It was so gross. I mean I was excited to get to know my fiance’s family better, but I didn’t need to share sweat marks with his ancestors. Barf.
Thankfully when we left that night, my guy had sensed that this gift had not gone over well. He said, “You don’t have to wear it. I’ll take care of it.” and took the bag from me.
What happened next, I should have seen coming. I knew I was marrying a guy who was very kind, but also had a wild streak in him. He went out to the driveway, tossed the veil on the ground, hopped in his car and sped backwards over the family heirloom. He drove over that poor piece of cloth until it was unrecognizable.
The next day he told his mom that a car driving down the street had run over the bag while we were unloading our car from dinner. She bought every word.
In fact, my future mother-in-law felt so bad for me not getting to participate in this generations-long tradition that she gave me the tiara her aunt had worn in her wedding. I’m not much for wearing crowns, but compared to wearing that stinky rag, I was more than happy to be a pretty, pretty princess for a day.
– MW, 33 from somewhere in the South
B*tch Session: Is this future husband a hero or a wacko?
Pam: He’s a keeper!!! Does he have a brother?
Brooke: Right?! Never let this man go. Ever. He loves his mom, his fiance and found a way to not hurt anyone’s feelings. This man is a problem solver. Is it too late for him to run in this election cycle?
Pam: And for the record: something old doesn’t mean something gross. Why wasn’t this veil ever washed? Gross! If this mother-in-law wanted her heirloom passed down, she should have taken better care of it.
Brooke: Is this a bad time to admit that I have never washed my wedding dress? It’s been over seven years and that thing is still in a garbage bag. Am I gross? Should I also not admit that while drunk at my reception, I rolled around on the ground in that dress while singing along to “Total Eclipse of the Heart?” #noregrets
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