Veggie Bridal Bouquets: Trendy, Stinky or Both?

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New Trend alert: Veggie Bouquets!

Yes, you read it right, instead of roses and peonies, brides are now opting for herbs and kale and broccoli! You don’t have to be the daughter of a farmer to enjoy a bouquet of cabbage and citrus as you walk down the aisle.

This is truly taking the farm to table idea a big step further. I mean, we all know that flowers, although beautiful, don’t last very long, so now when the bride throws the bouquet, all the single woman can take solace in knowing the bouquet may not get her married next, as the old wives tale says, but when life gives you a veggie bouquet, go ahead and make some soup!

Bitch Session: Are produce aisle bouquets the future?

Erika: Any bride sporting one of these things is definitely marrying a man-bun guy, right? It’s Brooklyn’s most annoying girl marrying Portland’s most insufferable man.

Paul: Absolutely and that’s just problem number one. I’ll tell you exactly the moment I came to a screeching halt while reading this. One word. Broccoli. So, my initial thought was “no”, for the cruciferous vegetable threat alone.

Erika: Oh god! I didn’t even consider the smell! Although it is an excellent way to hide any last minute fear toots as you walk down the aisle.

Paul: Yeah, if you’re not in a princess gown, you don’t have the fabric to let you break wind freely.  I could see a nice herb bouquet being simple and pleasant in the right setting. Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme sort of thing. Is this in some way better for the environment?

Erika: Your herb bouquet idea is really cute actually! I could see Zooey Deschanel all over that.

Paul: I think I’m landing somewhere in the middle on this one. I think if one is careful about what veggies they choose, it could be a nice accent. But for heaven’s sake, don’t use a stalk of brussel sprouts! That’s like throwing a quarterstaff into a crowd.

Erika: I hate to be a cynic but aside from tossing to your single mortified friends, what’s the point of a bouquet anyway?

Paul: Hey I got married completely bypassing flowers all together. #moremoneyforbooze

Erika: The whole throwing it to your single ladies seems like something that should’ve died with the disco

Paul: Or at least Bey’s Single Ladies video!

Erika: Word! And throwing a hunk of cabbage, cauliflower and artichokes at your single friends seems less “old timely fun” and more an act of aggression. Here’s some raw food, catch it and try not to die alone bitches!

Paul: So, what’s our conclusion? I think ok with certain guidelines.

Erika: I say no, no, no. Skip all that nonsense and use the money for booze! Like your fabulous wedding!

Paul: And never marry someone with a man-bun. We can all agree on that.

Have a wedding story you want to tell? Email us at weddingconfessionals@gmail.com.
And don’t worry, we’ll change the names and places to protect the innocent…and annoyed.
Your secret’s safe with us!

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