If you haven’t seen it yet, run – don’t walk – to your TV to watch TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress! At first, you’ll be perplexed about how a show about women trying on white dresses in a store – Kleinfield in NYC, to be specific – can be compelling. But stay with me – because it’s gotta be one of the most honest portrayal the bridal experience on TV. Even if you can’t afford a $10K Pnina Tornai gown, you will relate to the passive aggressive Sister, overbearing Mother of the Groom or annoyed sale clerk. It’s humanity at it’s finest…and by finest, I mean worst. 80% of the people involved are total jerks, and I love to hate them. But the show is smart enough to squeeze in a few nicer segments, like of a bride finding a dress while talking about overcoming cancer and I’m bawling my eyes out for this stranger I’ve never met.
As the show’s gotten bigger, they’ve been able to get some celebrities on the show, like Jillian Michaels and Kelly Ripa. I about lost my damn mind when Questlove came to help his sister pick out her gown. (Spoiler: He’s a total sweetie who well melt your cold heart.) But SYTTD really stepped up their game when they got the mother of all things wedding: Martha F*cking Stewart.
Below is some clips from that episode explained FRANTICALLY from the people over at Entertainment Tonight.
You can see the whole episode on TLC’s website by clicking here.
I can’t wait to unload, unpack and dive into this episode of TV with my buddy – and Wedding Confessionals contributor – Paul. So let’s begin!
B*tch Session: Martha was on “Say Yes To The Dress.” Are you losing your mind?!
Brooke: Are you obsessed with SYTTD like I am?
Paul: I’m not going to lie. I like it, but I’m nowhere near being a super fan like you. I’m not obsessed with the show, but I am obsessed with watching Martha Stewart talk to “normals.”
Brooke: She really did look like she hated being there, right?
Paul: I have never seen so much shade in my life. And I a) grew up in the woods and b) watch RuPaul’s Drag Race RELIGIOUSLY.
Brooke: My favorite shot was of all of the employees quietly losing their SHIT because Martha is in the shop, while Martha acts like she can’t wait to GTFO of Kleinfeld.
Paul: The part that killed me was when the Mother of the Bride compared herself to Martha because she teaches art to kids. Holy. Bananas.
Brooke: The look on Martha’s face!
Paul: And the chill. The chill came right through the screen! I got up and started singing “My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around!” at the top of my lungs!
Brooke: But in Martha’s defense – if you have a busy week and you’re (clearly) trying to promote a book, how annoyed would you be to have to attend some fucking stranger’s wedding dress appointment?
Paul: Well –
Brooke: Wait! Who am I kidding? I would totally love that shit! I’d get to be judgy and try to figure out family dynamics. I live for witnessing passive aggressive moments! Just putting it out there – if you live in Southern California and you want a random lady at your wedding dress appointment, email me at email@example.com!
Brooke: Yes! It would be so much fun! Wouldn’t you like to be part of the crew picking out a bride’s dress?
Paul: Um, I have a confession to make.
Brooke: Is it a Wedding Confessional™?!
Paul: If you like your gays witty, pop culture obsessed and with a strong t-shirt and jeans game, I’m your homo. But I HATE shopping.
Brooke: But there’s free champagne and you get –
Paul: WAITWHATSTOP! CHAMPAGNE?!
Brooke: Dude. There’s free booze.
Paul: I changed my mind! I’m in! Email me too!
Brooke: We promise to be nicer than Martha!
Paul: Speak for yourself! I get pretty honest after a glass of bubbly!
Have a wedding story you want to tell? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
And don’t worry, we’ll change the names and places to protect the innocent…and annoyed.
Your secret’s safe with us!